I love my child. She makes me proud each and everyday. When she “gets it”, says a new sentence, recognizes a letter, tells me a stop sign is an octagon, or tells me that cookie and cat both make the “ca” sound…yeah I turn to much on the inside. I work with her a lot and believe she is my investment. If I want her to grow and prosper…I gotta water her brain. With knowledge.
When Ella Grace walked early, (at nine months) I was just over the moon. I think she is pretty awesome. But does early walking equal a full ride at Stanford..or Yale? Not really, according the Medical Journal of pediatrics, ‘ A child who walks before the age of one is of no indicator of IQ or academic success later in life.’ Boom.
A few days ago, I posted a picture of my 2 year old daughter on my personal Facebook page, completing a 24 piece puzzle. We complete this “Little Mermaid” puzzle 3-4 times a day. Its her favorite. I was happy and proud the first time she did it 100% on her own. Within seven minutes, I received comments {from whom I wont say} about how their child who completed 24 piece puzzles at the age of 18 months. Another person said her daughter was doing 100 piece puzzles at the age of 18 months and now, at five years old, completes 1000 piece puzzles. {Groan} Am I jealous? Not in the slightest. Because I think you’re bullshit.
Two days before that, My cousin posted on facebook about her 64 pound weight loss success after having her second child. She is proud of herself and I am proud of her too, after all, my cousin has Poly cystic ovarian syndrome, which causes uncontrollable weight gain and considering her medical condition, losing that much weight is a huge accomplishment. The same Mom with the “genius 1000 puzzle piece assembler”, posted a comment on my cousin’s facebook, telling everyone of how she {the mompetitor} lost all her baby weight in less than four weeks. Mind you, this person only gained twenty pounds in her pregnancy (she bragged about that on facebook too) and was posting pictures of herself on facebook, barely dressed for all the world to see how skinny she was after being pregnant. Am I jealous? Not in the slightest. Because I think you’re bullshit. Again.
And there you have it,
The Mompetition.
My proud moment for my daughter was ruined by the feeling of inadequacy. Should my two year old child be doing 100 piece puzzles? Is she behind? Am I not doing enough? The answer is No. The problem doesn’t start with me; but with them. Because in actuality, in order for a “Mompeditior” to begin ‘The Mommy Olympics’ there must be a feeling of inadequacy and insecurities within them. To boast, compete and “one up” only means you have a sense of inadequacy within yourself.
According to the Association of Education for the Young Child: [summary] the parent who sets forth unrealistic expectations on to their child establishes a foundation of inadequacy to be carried all through the child’s life. The child may not read when the others do, so the mother “fibs”, boasts and “one ups” to other Moms about her childs reading capabilities. The Mother forces the child into unrealistic expectations and begins to force the child into concepts that their brain isn’t old enough to grasp. Not fair for the child… They just want to play and maybe do a puzzle or two. By the time the child reaches teen age years and (year after year) of not being good enough in the eyes of their parent, and with all that academic stress, the child gives up, rebels and well,…the rest is history.
“My daughter was reading chapter books in Pre K”. Good for you, do you want a cookie? Guess what, you’re full of it. Shit, that is.
Is this the time we live in? That our child’s accomplishments are the base of self worth and acceptance? I know I am a good mother to my daughter. I don’t, however, validate my self worth based on how many times I take my child to Disneyland before her fifth birthday, how many puzzles she can finish in an hour, how much baby weight I lost before my six week PP check up, how often my husband buys me lavish gifts, what brand of clothing my daughter is wearing or how much money we spend on our daughter at Christmas. I know we have a good life and “things” do not validate me as a person.
Let’s look at the brain of a child: 83% of all brain development happens before the age of four. The corpus callosum is a major vessel in a child’s development. It’s job is to bridge the messages between the left and right side of the brain. Once fully formed children will be able to do simple tasks such as tieing shoes, hopping on one foot and other things like reading. The corpus callosum is not fully devolpted until age 6 1/2 to 7. In very rare cases, children develop early and they are able to read early. (rare cases..very rare, 4% rare.) However, according to the Journal of Pediatrics, in 93% of the cases studied in children from ages 4 to 6, children were not able to fully read and were merely memorizing the words along with pictures. A photographic memory if you will. There is also zero scientific evidence that indicate early reading will have an indicator to a child getting into an Ivy league college. While reading is a form of memorization, if you put the same word or sentence in a different setting, will the child still be able to read it? If not, your child is not actually “reading”. Like that “Your baby can read” infomercial; The theory has been debunked and guess what.. your baby cannot read.
In college, my professor mentioned how important the power of play is. “Children learn more through play than any other academic setting”, she would say. Do you remember the often odd child who was always so brilliant yet had zero social skills? What good is smarts if you can’t utilize them because of a social anxiety or you never learned how to socialize? The unsocial/exceptionally brilliant child is a prime example of a child born to a “Mompeditior”. Rather than playing with other children, doing art, getting dirty and doing age appropriate activities, this child was inside, sitting and getting drilled on stalactites and the geometric grid at the age of 5. For what? So the parents could have bragging rights?
It was said Albert Einstein never tied his own shoes. He didn’t know how and wore slip ons. Did this make him dumb? Apparently not, folks.
In closing, I will quote this line from my favorite mommy blog, Scary Mommy. “Motherhood isn’t a competition, The only ones who lose are those who race the fastest.”
Disclaimer: The studies mentioned in this post are paraphrased and not actually copied verbatim from the website stated. The opinions expressed in this blog are based on the studies and their findings.
